Category: Relationships

Train Up A Child in a Way He should Go

At the church’s prayer meeting recently, we were praying for the Sunday School ministry.

For those of us blessed to be in the Sunday School when we were children, even now that we are adults, we can vividly remember the Bible stories we have heard, the children songs we sung and the crafts we did during the lessons.

As a child, I looked forward to the Arts and Craft time. It was fun bringing colours to the Bible characters printed on a white piece of paper. And how delightful it was ro play games together with friends.

Children are in their formative years. The Sunday School teachers play an important task of bringing the Gospel to them. They are also vessels of God’s love to these children and their parents. How impactful are Sunday School teachers!

While the teachers’ roles are important in the faith formation of the children, the most crucial role is played by the parents. May the parents reinforce the lessons at home by talking with the children what they have learned, and help the children to memorise Bible verses and songs they have learned.

It takes a village to raise a child. Let us work together to pass on our faith to the next generation who God has entrusted us with.

Let Them In?

Everyone we meet teach us something about life and ourselves.

Someone once said our life is like a train. People come onboard at different stations and some will alight at different stations. Some will alight earlier, while some will stay longer. Regardless of the time we have, each person we met teach us something about life and even about ourselves. 

To prevent the pain of saying, “goodbye”, some have resorted to not saying “hello” to new people. But this is quite a short-sighted thought, isn’t it?

Human beings are created to enjoy relationships and we live in communities. 

In the Lego Movie, the Lego Batman said, “Losing people is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean you stop letting them in”.

What a reminder! Don’t close yourself to people for the fear of losing them. Keep loving others. Life is more beautiful when shared with others.

Wonderful friendships are gifts from God

God gives us friends as we journey in life. Good friends are indeed hard to come by.

Friends are the people we choose to have in our lives. We choose our friends. Our friends choose us. A friendship is based on voluntary association between 2 people who enjoy each other’s companionship.

Researches show that friendship keeps the brain healthy and good friends are crucial in protecting our mental health.

How rare it is to have wonderful friendships that are grace-filled, love of God is shown, boundaries are respected, vulnerability are shared, constructive criticisms are accepted, differences are embraced and mutual encouragements are given.

Life is a journey. roughout our life, we may meet different people. Some will journey with us for a season in life while some will journey with us for many seasons in life. Regardless of their durations in our life, our friends make a sweet impact in our lives.

Boundaries

I was not someone who is good at setting boundaries; I would bend them at my friends’ plea or persuasion. Inwardly, I would feel resentful because I was afraid to say “no” to the things I wasn’t interested to do. 

As I grew older, I began to appreciate the beauty and the necessity of having boundaries. 

Dr Brene Brown defines boundaries as, “what is okay and what is not okay.” 

She says we can make clear what our boundaries are while still being loving and generous.

If we are not sure what boundaries to set, she probes us the BIG question: “What boundaries need to be in place for me to maintain my integrity and make the most generous assumptions about you?”

Dr Brown also said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

Boundaries teaches others how to treat us. Rather than harbouring resentment when we are too shy to say “no”, boundaries tell others where we stand. We can have boundaries and yet still be loving.

When you have a Crush

I have been tossing and turning on my bed for the 3rd consecutive night. I would wake in the middle of the night, involuntarily. Thinking of this person makes it hard for me to fall asleep.

What is a crush? A crush refers to being attracted to someone. It is a strong attraction and an intense admiration for someone. It can escalate into a deeper friendship or it can be short-lived and temporary.

The cycle of crush i went through:

Butterflies in the stomach

In crushes, love hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine play a part. When I see this person, my heart races and I was in a good mood—initially. 

Distracted and moody

Is having a crush a distraction? Oh, definitely! I found myself day-dreaming about this person. Even when I was with my friends, I was feeling restless.  

Really nervous!

When I see the crush, I was really nervous! My tongue was tied. My brain was jammed — I couldn’t think properly. I became clumsy. I couldn’t even move as my normal self and I was slow in my reactions.

All of us have experience crushes before. Having crushes is not a sinful thing. However, it is the extent of our obsession and how it interrupts our daily lives that may cause us to fall into sins. The most important thing to do is to, “guard our hearts” (Proverbs 4:23). We guard it because it is the wellspring of our life (Proverbs 4:23). Build a guard around our thoughts about this person.   

What does the Bible say we should do about our crush/infatuation?

  1. Focus on Jesus (John 10:10)

Crushing on someone/infatuation can send us through turbulent emotions. May we have peace in Christ Jesus. May He open our eyes to the wonders of the world around us. Having a crush can easily made this person the center of our lives (our hearts and universe!) but let us not lose ourselves in the process.      

  • Guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23)

The heart is a well-spring of life. Feelings and emotions that come from infatuation may cloud our minds and make us do things before we think them through. Guard our hearts so that our actions will not cause hurts to others and to ourselves.

Let us guard our hearts and minds so that we will not be overly obsessed with this person.

  • Guard our thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5)

If our thoughts are only consumed with that person, it is not healthy. Let’s think of things that are pure and lovely. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)    

  • Guard our relationships with others (Psalm 16:6)

Some of us may be single by choice or we are single for a season. Let us also remember to set healthy boundaries in our relationships with others. 2 Tim 2:22 reminds us the importance of purity in whatever we do. We are to pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace in all that we do. Don’t lose what is most precious to you in a moment of strong desire.

  • Trust in God (Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 27:14)

Let us not be preoccupied in making things happen our way. Or to use unrighteous means to seduce someone we are interested in. God knows what we are going through. We can tell Him what is in our hearts. He is not tired of hearing the same thing again because He cares for us. Let us take all our thoughts to God. What we share with Him can be a spiritual exercise for us to explore our human condition, with its many complicated emotions. Take captive of our thoughts and give them over to God (2 Corinthians 10:5).   

Having a crush on someone means we are only human —we can be attracted to people and admire them. However, how we deal with our crush is another matter. It will be unhealthy for ourselves and others if we fail to guard our hearts, minds and emotions. Let’s ask for the grace of God as we navigate through experiencing infatuation.