What did I learn from my parents’ 45 years of marriage?

A couple of days ago, my parents celebrated their 45 years of marriage. I praised the Lord for giving them the opportunity to enjoy these 45 years of togetherness! Here are what I have learnt from their marriage: 

  1. Communicate

It amazes me that even 45 years of marriage, my parents still share with each other the little details of their daily life: the news, a funny video clip someone sent to them, the details of their conversation with my 3 year-old niece. It was such a lovely sight to see them talking and enjoying each other’s company. I guess the ability for them to keep their conversation interesting after all these years make them life partners as they navigate through life together.

Words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21, James 3:5-6). I am so glad that when my parents talk to each other, they choose to use words that build each other up rather than tearing each other down. By choosing loving words, words that build up, appreciate and encourage (1 Peter 4:8), my parents continued to deposit into each other’s love tanks.

2. Forgive and move on

Even when my parents get into a quarrel, they apply this rule in the Bible: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV), or in other words, “don’t go to bed angry”. They have their disagreements but will not hold on to grudges. I couldn’t even remember them having a cold war and not talking for 2 days or more. My parents show me what it meant to forgive and move on.   

3. Do things together and give each other personal space 

My parents do a lot of things together. They eat every meal together every day, attend online Sunday service (due to pandemic), bathe the dogs and enjoy some television shows together. But they also give each other space to enjoy their hobbies: my dad in the garden and my mum watching her favourite Korean dramas.  

4. Small things count

Small things matter. Catch opportunities to compliment each other. My parents know each other’s favourite food and drinks. They always think about the other. By watching their examples, I realise that love does not have to be “expensive”. We do not need bouquet of roses or exquisite fine dining on special occasions, but happiness is where the family can sit down peacefully and enjoying a simple meal. “A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.” (Proverbs 15:17, NLT)

A lasting relationship takes a lot of work and effort from both parties. Both have to be equally committed to the other. Love is more than just a feeling as feelings come and go like waves at the sea. Love is committing to one another even during tough times when we do not feel like it. I am thankful that my parents are showing me the example of what it means to be loved and to love.  

Letter to My Future Husband

My lover, my dear future husband,

I have been praying for you for 12 years, or even more. My family and friends have been praying for you too, so you do have a lot of people to meet when you become part of my life!

I don’t know where or when I will meet you, or how we will meet but I am confident that just as God brought the freshly created Eve to Adam in the Garden of Eden, our meeting will be in God’s perfect timing.

Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy and celebrate life. I have a tight knitted family and close community whom I enjoy spending time with. I have hobbies to keep me occupied. I am trying to accomplish a few interesting dreams of mine too. I understand that I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10), and I am not depending on you to complete me. But, surely, your presence and giftings will bring much joy and complement my deficiencies.

I will continue to develop my gifts too, so that when we are together, it will be a celebration of our different gifts and a partnership of our lives together.

I will also keep myself pure so that my purity will be the most wonderful present for you.

I can’t wait to finally meet you and to hear what God has been doing in your life too!

Your Future Wife,


Place me like a seal over your heart,     like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death,     its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire,     like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love;     rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give     all the wealth of one’s house for love,     it would be utterly scorned. (Song of Songs 8:6-7)