Some Friendships May Drift Apart, and it is ok

Today is your birthday. A decade ago, it was such a big deal! We would meet up and celebrate your birthday. After all, you deserved nothing but the best in life! Rewind back to 18 years ago, we were sitting in your parents’ car, and they would drive us to fancy restaurants for meals. On a weekend, we would drive 45 minutes to sea food restaurants by the beach. I felt special because your parents took me instead of your other friends. I did think you enjoy our friendship as much as I did.

Those were the good days.

When I was studying in Singapore, you flew over on the Eve of Lunar New Year to spend the new year together. We had a simple reunion dinner at China Town. I can not recall the dishes we had. Those were the days before camera in the phones were clear and sharp. But what was clear in my mind was that we had a great time. It was such a joy seeing you again, despite the fact I had only moved to Singapore last July. I took you around Singapore and sent you off at the airport with a heavy heart. These memories seemed not so long ago. They were so vivid in my mind.  

2 decades ago, we would often hang out. With our other friends, we would go to the movies and we go bowling. Those were the things the young people did then. Back in those days, we didn’t have a lot of choices for entertainment.  

You brought me to places I hardly go — you opened up my world and told me not to be so naïve. You critiqued my sense of fashion, you thought I could do better. You introduced me to your siblings and I met your friends too.

The memories remain. Today it is your birthday. But I did not send you any Birthday greetings. I had not been doing so for the past few years. The last time I saw you from a distance was when you were fetching your kid from the tuition school. It was just a casual wave to say “hi”. Nor did we exchange text messages after that. 

After my studies in Singapore, I felt we were miles apart. We had different things in life. We did meet up a few times, but there wasn’t any similar topic of interests anymore. You got married to the man you loved, and I pursued my calling as a pastor. Eventually, you got busy with your children. I visited you on the birth of your firstborn, and I did not visit anymore when your other children were born. I was never married. I had a hard time keeping up with their birthdays, although I know their names. How old are they now? We had tight schedules. And our free times do not match each other’s.

It does take effort to pick up from where we left off years ago. In fact, it will need so much effort on our parts to reconnect again. That was why we silently agree to let our friendship die. I don’t text you anymore, you don’t text me anymore. We let each other go. And we have peace with that. 

In some other friendships, we can easily reconnect again and seems nothing has changed, even if we do not stay in touch constantly. But not in our friendship. Even if I do see you today, I will not know what to say. You may not know what to say. It may be just a wave to say “hello” or “goodbye”.

Perhaps it is a part of life. Someone once dear to us can be a stranger.    


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